Monday, January 25, 2010

too coward.

you'll never know
as i say
stealthily hidden
behind phrases
that only mean you
to me
because to me
you are that smile
and that song
you are that fit of anger
that rush of joy,
the pit of my stomach lurches
hoping you'll realize
hoping you'll read between my lines
between my lies,
but i am too coward
to do anything but hope
because the far corners of the globe
are calling my name
and i'm pointing to countries
like they are dreams
hopes, adventures
the places i'll call home
the places i'll leave my mark
still shouting
just in different languages
from different time zones
finding new words
being inspired by new surroundings,
but still bringing it back
to you
until my heart breaks with the effort
of painting on my smile
until i strip it all away
and plainly say
with one word
to your face
to your smile
to your anger
to your joy
to your song

Sunday, January 24, 2010

and they would call that home.

it would have been a VW bus
with a bed in the back
and a pass for all the national parks
and they would call that home.

it would be a shack
with a dirt floor
and running water only on wednesdays
and they would call that home.

it would be a high-rise
and they wouldn't know their neighbors
and she would wear heals and he a suit
and they would call that home.

it would be on the back of a motorcycle
and they would each be running from something
and when they ran outta gas
they would call that home.

it would have a picket fence
a garden full of flowers
a view of the ocean and a place to dance
and they would call that home.

it would all be able to fit in a suitcase
because in the end
they would have no other choice
and they would call that home.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Instead of You and Me

When you started using we instead of I

The whole world took notice

But that wasn’t the only secret

There were others that summer too.

Dotted like stars

In the dry sunshine scented evenings,

Charmed by the river

As it glided lazily under our feet

Longing to be swept in its current

Just so we could save each other from eminent death,

But our eye never met.

In every word exchanged in lust and love

We gazed past each other

We gazed through each other,

It was easier,

Less traumatic,

If our souls didn’t meet through our irises

It would be easier to say goodbye,

But we got lost in the curves of one another’s bodies

Not needing our eyes to meet

When our hearts had made prior arrangements

Arrangements to love one another

To sit for long afternoons discussing us

Instead of me and you.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

lingering long

the jukebox glowed pale green light
a prayer in 4/4-time
pounding against their chests
a backdrop of foamy beer and peanut shells
bodies touch unexpectedly
and without care
sweaty and flushed
thoughts lost in moving flesh
hips brush together
as lips meet
quick and subtle
fingers knotted in loose strands of hair
nothing lasts but the heat
and a passionate sway
that lingers in steps
long after the night

daughter to father

before you knew my name,
my laugh,
my brown hair and green eyes,
you wanted me.
before you knew my failures,
my shortcomings,
and the times i would disappoint,
you fought for me.
before you knew my triumphs,
my goals,
and my dreams,
you kept me.
you didn't have to.
it wasn't your "job"
but you broke the mold.
thank you,
for being unexpected,
for being who i needed you to be,
for staying,
and wanting me to stay with you.

praise and pleas

a faint song echoes
off vaulted ceilings
bouncing off the giant pillars
remembering every word
seeing every glance
thrown in plea and praise

marking the building
with the worshippers
the reside within
gently pulling their spirits
into a posture of remembrance
with a solidarity
only available among misfits

eternity in front of us
the path through the cross
the road marked by ominous beats
accompanied before
and followed after
in quietness and silence
we will be led
and in joyful we follow

never again the same
a glance behind
we wish to give
for fear
of who and what we will miss
not willing to see what we will miss ahead

and yet the beats still echo
and bounce
their way back to us
remembering our praise
remembering our pleas
until we can see our future

Saturday, January 2, 2010


i talk a big game but i am terrified of 2010.

i loved 2009. i started to actually live and i met some amazing people that i will forever hold in my heart. some friendships began to wane and that is ok, not bad just something that happened with time. i had amazing adventures that i still break into laughter when i think about. i have changed in countless ways.

but 2009 started out uncertain and so i can't forget that.

the only things certain about 2010: 4 more months in portland, a trip to texas, graduation in april, summer in bakersfield (should be interesting), the beginning of my internship in some part of europe. it seems like so few things but my life is never that neat and tidy. there is always something waiting on the horizon, much of it my own doing because i have a hard time sitting still.

not siting still has brought me thus far. and so here is to not sitting still, to adventure, to the unknown, to the messes i get myself into, and to the people who follow me into them...oh 2010 i feel our relationship will be one to remember.