Sunday, July 12, 2009

a fortune cookie instigated thought

i don't know how to take chances with my heart.
so i don't.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

can you feel my harmony?

grains of salt on hardwood floors
smelling of orange oil to keep their shine
buy they aren't mine
i just rent them to produce
my melody
my rhythm
my flow to you
as the grains stick to the bottom of my feet
how generous of you to dust them off
but you don't
you can't see
me skipping beats
or hear them missing in my words
just part of the conversation
just part of the dance
i don't like this dance
i've been dancing for so long
only know how to shimmy and shake
you aren't a shimmy
or a shake

i need new moves
you need a stronger prescription

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

too private

prayers for protection
prayers for peace
prayers for seamless dreams
prayers for an answer to a question
a question only asked right before sleep

too private

too vulnerable

given a cryptic answer
(who am i to blame? i did ask)

a feeling
a sense
a touch
a moment

not sure what to expect
now that i've asked
now that i've dreamed

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

where my eyes and my smile meet

i've been chewing on the corner of my mouth
accepting the situation
with mild curiosity
feigning uninterested eyes
so you can't see
the desire
in the creases of my eyes

in the smile i'm attempting to cover up
in my playful touch
i'm just a friend
i don't know how to be anything else
giving sideways glances
always from a distance
how can i show you,
without showing you anything?

...summer of color...

fresh blueberries and strawberries that are so fine your mouth can't handle it.
i love going fruit picking.

mt. saint helen's one of the mountains i get to see most days it is clear and beautiful.

i hiked up this without injuring myself or anyone else(this was just the last mile)
from the top you could see the ocean.

clover is my favorite ever.

ellen and i with a lovely lady at the tippy canoe.

butterflies like lavender. 

i like lavender too.


the rose gardens in bloom, quite amazing.

Monday, July 6, 2009


i love sitting across from you over sunday night drinks. discussing openly and honestly your frustration with girls and how you see us. complaining that we never go for the good guys, even when we say that is what we want. all the while i stare at you and laugh knowing that i like a good guy and yet he is oblivious, most likely just not interested, and tells me i do not want a good guy when i want him.  the problem is not the good guy or his lack to act but my lack. i am not that good of a girl. how can i possibly deserve a good guy like you? so i'll just laugh at your jokes and feel my stomach flutter at your hugs but stay silent because you are a good guy who is not interested and i'm a girl trying to be good and trying to deserve a good guy...trying to appeal to you.

so she hopes

ripped apart
tossed aside
wretched desires fondle her heart
delightful to the touch
wicked in the aftermath
pieces no longer attached
scattered by breezes
from ruffled sheets and disheveled clothing
no longer worthy for you
in her own eyes
not able to see herself
apart from who she was
trying to see herself
in light of who she is
if you are worth it
you'll stay
and help carry everything she holds
so she hopes
on the promise of a new day
that you exist
and that you can love her
in a way that is real
that is worth more
then what she has given away
sometimes you are awake 
to watch the sunrise
and sometimes
the rising sun wakes you
casting new possibilities
across your resting body
singing directly to your heart
the hope found only in your fingertips
before they have touched anything
except your dreams
found neither here nor there
but somewhere completely unknown
a place for you as you pas
between moments outside of time 
only brought back
by the biding of the sun...