"we care more about your life, and that you are living it well, then about a piece of paper"

thank you dad. i needed that.

and so i write and paint.

i don't have an internship. i don't know what i am going to do with my future. i'm scared as hell. so i write poetry and paint and i spend time with a boy who makes my heart light.

-------

"life mingling"

would you grip a falling leaf

in fear of a seasons change

as it slips through your fingers

demanding you to move forward

with the risks,

and the pain of changing,

tied closely with loving?

white knuckled holding on

to the blossoms as they burst

through the cracks between your fingers,

neither obstinance,

nor fear,

holding them back

as you shake your fist,

full of promises of new life,

back at the tree from which they came.

you know neither the shade,

nor the fruit,

as you miss the possibilities

in favor of the facts.

but what if,

for a moment,

a blossom was a promise,

and what if,

for a moment,

a fallen leaf was a life

of unexpected and unplanned living?

there can be no anger,

you, yourself were unexpected,

unplanned,

not part of the 5-year course on life-map making

but things change,

and lives grow,

to fit the changing season,

being able to do nothing more

than breath

and hold on tight

to the life mingling with yours.

resting lightly

rumors of another world

a slice of life

and a fresh cup of coffee

next to your sweet side

with your hand

resting lightly on my thigh

not noticing my eyes

gazing at you

as you gaze at the sky

and speak

in a language all your own

with topics that i don't dream of

that you only dream in

filling the space with possibilities

as you move from one topic to the next

while i jump in and join you

in your world

in your head

and liking the view from where i am sitting

enjoying the coffee

the talk of adventures

and the feel of your hand on my thigh

springy sounds

She & Him have a new album out and to me they sound the way spring is supposed to sound and feel, so i am very excited at the arrival of this album AND there is this phenomenal site that lets you download it for free!!! what????!!! just click on the link and enjoy :)

until.

keep talking about forever

though i can't handle the dream

my heart aches at your touch

and at the softness of your eyes

don't tell me what you noticed

my green eyes

my jeans and bare feet

because i will say forever

and i will wait

across the distance

and through the time that it'll take

to get me back to you

so keep telling me forever

and i'll keep dreaming with you

again and again.

as you drink poison

you kill your enemy

but i drink no poison

and you are no enemy

but a pariah i seem

an infection has infiltrated my heart

a disease with no cure

except my expulsion

from your presence

your heart

and our friendship

i sink in my confusion

but not in regret

the cure is not attractive

or understandable

to you and your sensibilities

but there is no other answer

then the hand i now hold

blindsided?

maybe

inevitable?

always

so here is your time

and space

don't be what i fear

because my choice will not change

i would chose this disease

again

and again

and again

and so would you

movement.

i wonder if i am unlovable?

if my dreams

are only big enough for one?

packing my bags,

making my plans,

with only me in mind.

have i dreamt to small,

to include another?

but all it took

was one moment,

one second of honesty

with myself and with you,

to let myself feel what i feel

and let my words

break down my own walls

that you had slowly begun to chisel

that i had slowly allowed to crack

so that my heart could make an escape

and i could remember how to breath.

you teaching me to live

taking my hand

for whatever may come

nothing has changed

but nothing will ever be the same.

love.

i am loving life right now.

nothing has changed and yet everything has changed.

luckily the happiness is out weighing the fear.